Kids

I love kids. They are amazing in every way. They are innocent, sometimes fearless, caring, forgiving and just over all happy. There is a reason why the Savior taught to be like children. The other day we went to a ward activity at the park. There were several kids just playing and having a good time. But, there was one little boy who had a small handicap. The playground was conducive to him, so he was able to play with other kids. But I noticed that while I saw a child that was different, the other children saw him as just another kid regardless. They played with him like they would any other. We must have eyes of little children...seeing no faults and only loving those around us regardless. Sometimes it's hard. We get angry and the responsibilities we carry can over power our child-like eyes. Sometimes we just need to be like little children, not petty stressed filled adults. Now, someone has to pay the bills and take care of the kids and make dinner, but we can do these things while being Christ like. Children are sweet and joyful...for the most part. We should all try a little harder to be like little children. (:

"If we have a heart to learn and a willingness to follow the example of children, their divine attributes can hold a key to unlocking our own spiritual growth." -Jean Stevens

It's Not Easy

No one tells you what it's like to have two kids. Or, if they do, they don't tell you the details. I am here to tell you it's hard! Now, not everyone's situation is the same. I happen to have two kids under the age of two...for now. I am also a full-time student. Talk about balance issues! How am I supposed to take care of both of my children while my husband works and get all of my school work finished on time?! Balance. As hard as it is, it's very important. I've realized that I may not do well in school, but my children need me more than my schooling needs me.
But, I have good days and, what feels like way more bad days. I have noticed that my almost two year old Adelaide has been struggling with this new schedule I have. So, in return I have been trying to do things with her. Almost every time I grab the laptop to do a quick assignment or just look at what I need to do that day, she runs over and grabs my hand or in most cases, throws a fit. Well, there goes my chance for getting homework done while she's awake. But, I've accepted that that's okay. It shows me that she needs me. And what's crazy is........I need her. She can be crazy and cranky and fun and goofy, but she makes me smile when I don't want to. She helps me realize that my family is the most important thing. She helps me understand that I am her teacher and she learns the most in our home.
What about Parker? Well he is a very needy child, but strangely, I love it. I like to feel wanted and needed. And when you have a baby that waits on your hand and foot you can look at it in a bad way, or you can look at as a wonderful opportunity to teach. Adelaide has been doing better with Parker. She almost always helps with diaper changes and is really understanding about me feeding him. They play together and we do a lot of things together.
So, when do I do school then? At night and during nap time. And even though it seems like plenty of time to get what I need to done, it isn't. Because not to mention, I hate dirty houses and dishes and laundry. Mike and I joke that I will do all the laundry but never fold it. I have been less than good about keeping the house decently clean. As I write this I have 3 loads of laundry to fold, a sink full of dishes, many assignments for school and errands to run.
Being a mother is hard. It's wonderful, and amazing, but difficult. I have seen so many people demean the role of a mother. But never in my life have I experience something so amazing. The stress and worry of my children's well being will never go away and I'm all right with that! Just a few weeks ago I was asked to be the nursery teacher for our church. One would think, why would they ask you to do that when you have a baby?! Well folks, no one wants that job for some reason and I love kids! So, I of course said absolutely and thought it would be pretty easy. WRONGO! I usually only have a couple of kids in there, including Adelaide. Well last week I had 4 plus Parker, because Michael teaches Sunday School. Well one child was screaming because her mom left, the other was lashing out for who knows what reason, the other was brand new and very scared at the scene, and then there was Adelaide and Parker. Adelaide had diarrhea and Parker was hungry. I have never felt more overwhelmed. Who was I supposed to take care of first? Addi with diarrhea? Parker who was screaming to be fed? Robert who was throwing toys at other children? Bridgett who was screaming bloody murder in my ear? Or the poor boy who was just trying to play? One of the mothers was in there with me helping and I asked her to watch the kids for a few seconds while I took Bridgett to her mom and changed adelaide's diaper. Little did I know that Addi had pooped out of her diaper and all over her clothes and me. It was a horrible day needless to day. But a friend came up to me, seeing my tears and distress and said, "Being a mother isn't for the weak. It's just hard." And I just looked at her through my tears and nodded.
It's not easy. I don't think it ever will be easy. But I would never give it up. When I look at my kids and see them smile or laugh, or give me hugs and kisses just because, I know that I was chosen to be a mother. I may not know what career I want to do and I may not look like the skinny models or celebs that lose their baby weight in a couple of weeks, but I know for a fact that one of my purposes here on earth is to be a mom. It's draining in more ways than one, but when Adelaide walks up to me and says, "HUG!" in her cute little voice I just melt! I have days where I wonder how I can make it through and do this, and I get a warm feeling. I say a prayer to have strength to make it through the day and my Father in Heaven reassures me that I can do hard things.